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Children often want what the neighbor’s children, friends or influencers have. But do they really need everything they ask for, or are they afraid of being excluded? Tips on how to help your child resist peer pressure.
“Mommy, I want a monster truck to play with, too!”, “Rahel has a cell phone, I need one as well.” or: “Everyone comes to school on a scooter, why can’t I have one?” Parents are often confronted with their children’s dreams and wishes.
The consumer behavior of their group of friends has a strong influence on your child’s purchasing decisions. At the same time, it also has a lot of positive aspects: children discover new things, and recommendations and experiences from friends are often more authentic than a sales pitch in a store or a suggestion in an advertisement.
As a parent or guardian, you don’t want your child to be excluded because they don’t have the latest cell phone or the coolest jeans. At the same time, you can’t or don’t want to give in to every single expensive request.
This makes it difficult to completely avoid discussions on the subject. But you can use the consumer desires triggered by peer pressure as learning opportunities to talk to your child about value, consumption and social differences – so that they will be empowered to make their own consumption decisions.
People define part of their identity through their own consumption and the things they own – and the same applies to children. They start comparing themselves with their peers at an early age, sometimes when they are still at kindergarten.
But comparisons can also lead to peer pressure, especially in children with low self-esteem. Remember that the older the child gets, the more noticeable peer pressure becomes. It is particularly pronounced during puberty, as children develop their character during this phase of life and become more and more guided by the outside world.
On the one hand, the influence of parents on their child’s consumer decisions is decreasing. On the other hand, as well as wanting to copy friends, children are exposed to influencers on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube and other social media platforms, which can increase the pressure even further.
Important: if your child feels excluded or is being bullied, counseling from a specialist agency such as Pro Juventute (link in German) can be an important source of support.
Children and teenagers are looking for acceptance and belonging, which can encourage peer pressure.
Friends and influencers also awaken consumer desires that may not correspond to parents’ ideas. Don’t categorically reject your child’s wishes, but talk to them as equals. Listen carefully and consider the needs of your child.
Ask specifically why they need a new doll, a cell phone or a scooter. Is it even about the object itself, or is your child more concerned about feeling left out on the way to school?
It’s important that parents understand the situation the child is in in order to recognize any frustration or insecurity.
If your child is worried about being excluded, reassure them that they are just as much part of the class without a scooter, for example. Explain to your child that friendships do not depend on what you own. You are friends with someone because you like each other, not because you have the latest toys or the coolest shoes.
It’s important to help your child to develop their own values, build up a healthy level of self-confidence and set priorities. And even if the child’s wishes are easily affordable with the family budget, it doesn’t make sense to buy everything immediately. Being patient and waiting, so that the child can find out as much as possible about what they want to buy, and maybe even saving up for it themselves, are important learning opportunities.
Help your child with their purchasing decisions. This will prevent them from buying or wanting something just because everyone else seems to have it. You can use situations directly as learning opportunities. For example by asking the child what they think is really cool and why they want a neon yellow hat, of all things.
You can also promote the child’s individuality. For example, asking questions such as: “Do you think this suits you?” or “Would you have chosen this if the others hadn’t?” teaches your child to question their own desire to consume, which strengthens their resilience to consumer pressure.
Why did you choose the brand of car that is now in your garage and why did you buy a particular brand of handbag? Was it because a friend recommended it? Or did you see an ad for the bag on Instagram?
Be honest and open with your children about things. Tell them that you can’t buy everything immediately, but have to save up for things, and explain exactly how you do so.
A healthy level of self-confidence helps children to remain satisfied without always following every single trend. Strengthen your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem and help them to gain confidence in their own capacities. For example by offering positive feedback or by giving them more responsibility at an early age.
Make sure your children are free to make their own decisions and try things out – even if mistakes happen. Pocket money, or later on, a youth wage, are good tools to help children to gain confidence in their own capacities when dealing with money.
Offering positive feedback strengthens children – rather than giving them rewards linked to consumption.
It is important for children to have the conviction that they can complete tasks based on their own abilities. This can be strengthened by four factors:
Traditional and social media can have a strong influence on consumer preferences. That’s why it’s crucial for children to develop media skills. As a parent or guardian, you can encourage this by talking to your children about why they really want to have something, and what marketing – especially influencer marketing – is and how it can affect them.
For example, search for a specific product online together for a few days and see afterwards how the account – on Instagram, for example – almost only displays advertisements for this exact product. The child will then easily understand how marketing works.
Schools are also an important source of support. They are in charge of teaching media skills and critical thinking in lessons or via special initiatives. You can then incorporate this knowledge into everyday family life.
Allowing children to take part in shared leisure activities with other children is a good way to combat peer pressure. Things like sports clubs, scouts and music lessons give children structure and a sense of belonging. In addition, activities of this kind often promote stamina, teamwork and self-confidence.
Last but not least, children can learn a lot if they regularly take part in a sport or play an instrument. Among other things, they will discover how to gradually work toward a big goal, or see their progress when they make an effort. This enables them to experience success without any material comparisons.
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