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“Why does mom go to work more often than dad? And why isn’t housework paid?” How to explain your family model and the relationship between work and money to your child.
As parents, we’re constantly reminded of how quickly time passes. It seems only yesterday that they were small and cute; now they’re walking, talking, going to kindergarten, and soon they’ll be in school. As children become more independent, not only does everyday family life change, but often so does the amount of work parents do. Perhaps the parent who used to do the lion’s share of the housework and childcare will start working longer hours, or perhaps both parents will do so.
This is a good opportunity to sit down as a family and talk about work and money in the family and explain different family models. But what’s the best way to have this conversation?
Start the conversation by explaining to your child that a family is a community in which all members are equal and do their best to make family life work. This includes housework, cooking, childcare, working to earn enough money and organizing time together.
Children also contribute by going to kindergarten or school, tidying their rooms or helping with household chores. This helps them realize they are part of this system and their cooperation is important.
The various tasks within the family pave the way for a discussion about different types of work. Explain that there is paid work, housework and work within the family.
For paid work, you are paid by your employer or client, so you receive money.
If no one cooks, there’s no lunch; if no one does the laundry, there are no clean clothes. Children learn this through their daily chores and begin to understand how everything is connected.
Explain the concept of unpaid work. When mom and dad cook, clean or help with homework, they don’t get paid for it. Paid employment and unpaid family work go hand in hand and are therefore equally important and valuable.
The value of paid work is easier to explain in terms of wages. The best way to convey the value of unpaid work to children is through everyday situations. Point out that a hot meal, folded clothes in the closet, and a clean bathroom are not a given, but are thanks to the time invested by the person who made the effort.
By involving your children in various tasks at an early age, they gradually learn how much effort goes into family activities and how valuable this work is.
Much can be explained, but children primarily orient themselves based on what they observe. This is why the attitude of parents or guardians toward work are key. Emotional recognition is also important. Praise and encouragement help children understand that work is valuable, even if it’s not always financially rewarding.
Children learn a lot from adults. If parents show respect for each other regarding their domestic and paid work, children automatically adopt the same attitude.
Children often ask very specific questions, such as: “Why doesn’t daddy work on Fridays?” or “Why does mommy also work on our home computer?” Questions like these provide a good opportunity to explain your own family model. Talk about how the various tasks and needs relating to paid work, household chores, childcare, joint activities and time for yourself all need to be given space. And explain to your kids how you’ve divided up the individual tasks in your family.
Also convey to your children that families are organized very differently. In some families, both parents work full-time, in others only one does or both work part-time. In addition, there are not always two parents, or they may live in different households. In some families, grandparents or other caregivers help with childcare. There are also families who can afford and want to pay for external help with housework or childcare.
Your child needs to understand that every family looks for the model that works best for them. There can be significant differences depending on the family’s situation and stage in life. However, one model is not better or worse than another.
Your child now knows how your family is organized. The next step is to explain how the shared “family pot” is put together.
At least some of the money earned through paid work is pooled. This family budget is part of the “family pot”. It’s used to pay for all the important things, from rent to food and clothing. Unpaid work such as cooking and cleaning also contributes to the family pot, because it enables everyone to live well. It’s also good if the family budget is not completely used up at the end of the month, because it’s important to have a reserve in case something unexpected happens or if you want to save for a big-ticket item.
In addition, both parents may have their own accounts and the children may receive pocket money or a youth wage.
Your children can benefit from all these thoughts and considerations. So take the time to calmly discuss and explain your individual family model with your child. Start small, for example with simple examples instead of exact salary figures. The older your child is, the more specific the information can be.
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