What is the right amount to leave to your children and other loved ones? How much is too much? The answers lie in evaluating your vision for the use of your wealth and your family‘s ability to manage financial resources responsibly.

This article examines important considerations about how to arrive at the right amount to leave your loved ones, with a specific focus on children as inheritors. Part of deciding how much is enough begins with acknowledging the impact an inheritance will have on the entire family. It can be a wonderful opportunity for children to pursue their dreams or take risks they might not have considered.

An inheritance can also carry unintended consequences that are equally important to consider. It might inadvertently create dependency, reduce motivation to achieve personal goals, or lead to conflicts amongst family members over the distribution of wealth.

Communicating clearly

When thinking through the potential impact of an inheritance, effective communication is key. It can serve as an antidote to conflict. Start conversations with your partner (if applicable), and then with your children.

Keep in mind that this can be an iterative process. For example, within our UBS family advisory practice, we encourage active engagement around what we call the four “Cs”: communication, clarity, culture and cohesion. Starting with clarity: as the wealth holder, be clear on your financial goals and expectations for family members. Successful communication around your intentions is two-way and multi-generational. These foundational conversations build family cohesion, which in turn strengthens the family culture.

Finding your wealth identity

How was money discussed in your home? Personal beliefs about money, shared money values and messages within the family play a crucial role in family culture and thinking through how much is enough for your children. Some family members may view money positively, while others may have a more negative perception. These attitudes are often part of a larger pattern of relationships and behaviors that typically span generations.

Understanding and aligning beliefs with a strategic legacy plan can help to ensure that the wealth supports the well-being of your loved ones, while fostering a successful transition.

For example, a parent with a scarcity mindset may leave a large inheritance to ensure their child never struggles or may withhold wealth to encourage self-sufficiency. On the other hand, a parent who views money as abundant may prioritize giving during their lifetime and structure an inheritance that offers opportunities rather than just financial security. These beliefs, along with considerations of work ethic, values and philanthropy, guide how inheritances are planned and implemented.

If you believe self-worth is tied to financial success, you might require your children to earn their inheritance as a reward for hard work. If you view wealth as a means to ease life‘s burdens, you may provide a substantial inheritance to ensure long-term security. Parents who believe in working hard may structure inheritances to encourage responsibility, such as using milestone- or incentives-based trust distributions. Those who worry that an inheritance could stifle ambition might leave a modest amount or tie the inheritance to educational and entrepreneurial achievements.

Multi-generation family having dinner

Your money identity and your beliefs play a significant role in determining how much to leave to a child, as they shape attitudes toward wealth, responsibility and legacy. Families need to be clear about their own money values, current financial situation and hopes for the future. Articulating values around money and wealth can help you clarify what to pass on to children and what no longer serves the family. Unless you tell your children to expect differently, your lifestyle choices will also influence their expectations.

Key questions to consider:

  1. What beliefs and values about money do you live by?
  2. What money messages do you want to pass on?
  3. How do you want to prepare your loved ones for their future responsibilities and opportunities regarding wealth?
  4. How will you know when someone is responsible enough to inherit?
Multi-generation family having lunch on patio

Julie Binder, CAP®
Senior Strategist
UBS Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services

Liam McCormick,
Senior Strategist
UBS Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services

Debra Phares, CAP®
Senior Strategist
UBS Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services

Attitudes about money are often part of a larger pattern of relationships and behaviors that typically span generations.

Balancing multiple considerations

Determining the right inheritance amount involves considering beliefs, circumstances and conversations in equal measure. Factors that will inform how you reach your answer include children’s geographic locations, their professions, the standard of living in which they were raised, their physical or mental health, the number of children they have and their stage of life.

These discussions are often held between partners and can evolve. It is not always easy to reach agreement from the outset. It is very common to have different opinions on the approach and intended outcome. Understanding your partner‘s perspective is crucial to reaching a shared resolution. Start by identifying areas of agreement, such as what you hope wealth will allow your children to do. You may find you each develop a deeper understanding of the beliefs and circumstances that have formed your opinions.

In addition to the factors named above, identifying the right balance of what is enough or too much also depends on your children‘s financial responsibility, life goals, and your vision for the family‘s legacy. As you are doing an assessment of the above factors, consider whether you want to provide a safety net, support special life goals, fund education, assist with home ownership or create multi-generational wealth.

Many families aim to provide enough for financial flexibility, but not so much that it diminishes motivation or ambition. You and your partner should agree on what your goals and objectives are and articulate how you hope the funds will be used by your children. Rank your priorities along the spectrum of flexibility and motivation.

Equal treatment may not always be fair. Your children are unique individuals with different abilities, and you might need to treat them differently to achieve similar outcomes. See the UBS article, Fair versus equal, for more guidance on these considerations.

Senior couple enjoying reception dinner with friends

Be clear on what you and your partner hope to accomplish. You may not agree on everything, and that‘s okay—talk about it and respect each other‘s views. You might be surprised by where you align or differ.

Key questions to consider:

  1. What are your hopes for future generations?
  2. What are your expectations for the money you give to your children?
  3. What are your concerns around giving wealth to your children?
  4. What principles guide your gifts?
  5. What roles and responsibilities associated with the wealth will be expected of your children?

From wisdom to action

We know families can flourish when each generation understands both the opportunity and responsibility that an inheritance can bring. Estate planning conversations tend to focus on the transactional nature of the plan: what financial instruments are being utilized and who is receiving distributions from the estate and how. These conversations should also serve as an opportunity to provide guidance and to share your thoughts and values.

A well-thought-out strategy can help in crafting a legacy plan that balances financial security with the promotion of responsibility, entrepreneurship or philanthropy. Structured plans, such as trusts with milestones or incentives, can ensure that wealth is used over time, supporting a child’s well-being and preserving a family's legacy. Make sure your plan balances the amount given with your values.

It‘s important to talk about your decisions and why you made them. Make sure you have a solid plan, share it with those who need to know, explain your reasons clearly, be open to questions and feedback, and be willing to adjust the plan if needed down the road.

Father giving teenage daughter piggyback ride

Summary points

  1. Strive for clarity on your own goals and expectations and have this discussion with your partner.
  2. How are your personal values of wealth reflected in your family culture?
  3. Reflect on who your children are and their capabilities and attitudes toward wealth.
  4. The amount you decide on might be influenced by how you give it.

Every family‘s situation is unique, and you should seek advice from your trusted advisors to determine the best strategies to align with your wishes and financial planning needs.

Julie Binder, CAP®

As a Senior Strategist with Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services, Julie works with families on understanding money, values and philanthropic intent in the family wealth context and the dynamic overlap of five types of capital—human capital, intellectual capital, social capital, foundational capital, and financial capital. Family and Philanthropy Advisory is a thought partner to advisors and their exceptional client families on wealth transition, family governance, and philanthropy as families seek guidance on cohesive dialogue between generations to perpetuate their legacy.

Liam McCormick

As a Senior Strategist with Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services Americas, Liam works with multi-generational families, helping them understand their relationship with wealth, values and philanthropy. Focus is centered on the successful transition of wealth to following generations through family meetings, family governance, and developing bespoke philanthropic strategies

Debra Phares, CAP®

Debra is a Senior Strategist on the UBS Family Advisory and Philanthropy Services team who works with families in understanding their relationship with money, values and philanthropy. She serves as a thought partner to advisors and their client families, guiding them through wealth transitions and cultivating purposeful philanthropy. Debra navigates dialogue between generations, providing insights and advice on family governance, communication, and the development and activation of charitable giving plans — ensuring family values and philanthropic intentions are thoughtfully woven into both wealth and legacy planning.

Identifying the right balance of what is enough or too much also depends on your children‘s financial responsibility, life goals and your vision for the family‘s legacy.

Explore more

Browse additional articles below.

Get in touch

Together, we can help you pursue what’s important

Are you a client?

Become a UBS client

Approval code: 5094567; Review date: 1/5/2027