Living your legacy

I am Vibeke, Danish born, raised in France and mum to four energetic kids! I created SheCanHeCan (SCHC) in 2011 and realigned its mission to work more locally in 2017. In a few words, SCHC aims to encourage all individuals to challenge stereotypes and realize their full potential independent of their gender or other social identities. SCHC has five main areas of work: (1) Workshops for companies and for schools on equality, equity and inclusion, (2) Book clubs for young children during which we read inclusive books featuring diverse characters, (3) Celebrating the International Day of the Girl on 11 October every year in cooperation with Monaco’s Conseil National (Parliament), (4) The Equality Pledge, a community initiative aiming to engage individuals to make equality a reality and (5) the Red Box Project Monaco, which aims to bring organic period products to schools and companies in Monaco and surroundings, and break the taboos around periods.

Oh, there were many! Probably the understanding that gender is part of everything we do. It’s not only when discussing maternity leave or family planning – but it’s in urban planning, in development, in international aid, in finance, basically in every aspect of our lives. We need to be aware of it and take it into consideration at every step.

Then, it was all the limitations that putting people in boxes brings upon all of us and especially children and I wanted to challenge this. When entering a toys shop to buy a present for a child, I always get asked “is the present for a girl or for a boy?” – to which I tend to reply “I wasn’t intending on buying a toy they can operate with their genitals, so I don’t think it’s relevant.” Can a girl not play with a truck and a doll? Can a boy not love arts and crafts? Why do we limit them?

Then of course, it was also the little things, such as being forced to take my husband’s surname on my residency card and driver’s license, or the unpaid care and housework which is still done mostly and mainly by women or knowing that women are more likely to die in car crashes because the safety features aren’t designed for them. In a few words, it’s being a woman living in a world designed by and for men.

Finally, it’s to convey the message that more gender equality will not only benefit women and girls, it will also benefit all individuals, men and boys included. And the challenge is getting men to understand this.

From an early age, we tend to put children into boxes. By the way we speak to them and around them “I love your dress, you’re so pretty” to “she’s bossy” and “he’s a great leader, he’s so good at sports”, etc. We tend to focus on physical attributes for girls and on achievements for boys. This is a narrative we can rewrite collectively. We only speak about work-life balance when talking about women. Are many men not fathers too? Don’t they have a home or elderly relatives to take care of?

To encourage girls to take leadership roles, we also need to rewrite the narrative of what it means to be a great leader. It’s a work in progress, but seeing Jacinda Ahern being interrupted by her child during a Facebook Live is just what we need. Can a great leader cry? Show emotions? Standup for others? Of course they can, and we need to show children the many different ways of being an outstanding leader.

It’s a permanent journey of learning. I learn and continue to learn every day. It’s a rapidly changing environment and unfortunately there’s a lot of “one step forward, two steps back”.

Gender equality is not a popular topic, it makes people uncomfortable and hence it’s also hard to get funding for it. I am not talking about funding for girls’ education, but funding for the less popular aspects, such as research into why car safety features are not designed for women, or as to why most cases of rape don’t lead to prosecution, or as to why period products are not more easily available to the girls who need them most.

Talking to the survivors first: you are not alone. There are people here to help you, to guide you, to help you leave an abusive situation. You shouldn’t feel any shame. The only shame is on the perpetrators.

Then to men. Domestic violence and violence against women is a man’s problem, not a woman’s. I find this quote powerful “Not all men, but all women”: even if most men are not perpetrators, all women are afraid and we are taught to grow up afraid. The fact that a few men perpetrate violence against women, gives all men a rain check: simply behaving like a normal human being gives you credit. Also, when men and boys laugh, repeat, share jokes that are sexist or might encourage violence, they are part of the problem. We need to talk about masculinities and what it means to be a man.

Taking a step back from domestic violence, I’d also like to say something about sexual assault and rape. I grew up with a perception that rape was something that could happen to a woman in a dark alley, when walking home and by a stranger. I think that’s how many of us were taught to perceive rape or assault and that’s what we were taught to be afraid of. Since #MeToo, but also further, we need to rewrite this narrative as those cases (which are often the most publicized too) are also the most unlikely. The majority of rapes today are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, often times with little open resistance shown because an unbalance in power. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape or assault. It’s a power dynamic and hence we need to talk more about consent and what that really means with young people today.

Without hesitation, the Red Box Project! This is a project close to my heart, a topic I must admit I only learned about recently. The aim is to encourage schools and universities to provide free period products to all students. We also hope to extent this initiative further to companies and various institutions.

We have also received funding to donate 'first period kits' to 250 girls in schools surrounding Monaco. These kits include a 'first period informational brochure' designed by SCHC and 18 organic period products. We will also deliver workshops to 500 students (boys and girls). The aim is to inform, break the taboo, and talk about a topic rarely talked about even though it affects every girl in a school setting.

When a man visits a bathroom, all his needs are met: There’s toilet paper, soap, water and towels to dry your hands. For women on their period, it’s not the case. As most women know, your period can come when you least expect it, you might not have the necessary products with you. Our aim is not to become the sole provider of period products, but rather to help women and girls who need it and also to contribute to break the ancestral taboo and encourage a change in mentalities so that women won’t have to hide tampons under their sleeves anymore.

So we are looking for partners to bring their own red box to companies and schools in their surroundings. We can provide workshops, educational material and more information on how to get the project off the ground in their communities.

On another note, we are also looking for partners to replicate our book clubs in their communities.

We are happy to explore many different collaboration possibilities, so please do get in touch!

To find period products, just like we find toilet paper everywhere!

I was always told to dream big, so on a larger scale: justice for survivors of sexual assault, rape and domestic violence, the end of systemic violence against women, a more equal share of unpaid care work, unrestricted access to safe abortions, closing the gender pay gap, redefining what it means to be a great man, more inclusive workplaces for all individuals, an equal share of parental leave when welcoming a baby, better and more equal representation in elected institutions and at top level leadership – and oh so much more! So join me in making this a reality!