Draw up a household budget with the following points: Income: salaries and other regular income Fixed expenses: these generally do not change and are therefore easy to identify. For example, rent, insurance policies, health insurance, taxes, internet/telephone, membership fees, etc. Variable costs: all other expenses like restaurant visits, shopping, gifts, etc. Minor expenses: these are easy to forget but can really add up – the chewing gum you buy at the kiosk or a coffee on the way to work ... Tip: collect all your receipts for one to two months and calculate the average. Discuss what you are able and willing to change. Set yourself shared and individual financial goals.

What assets do you have and how are they invested? Would it make sense to change this or do you have specific financial goals (e.g., purchase of real estate)? Of these assets, how much is individual property, how much is shared and how does this affect your taxes? Are there major expenses on the horizon such as paying for your children’s education or studies?

Stress that you want to make financial decisions together so that you can make plans for the future together. Get an idea of your individual pension situations. For example, your pension fund insurance certificates show your retirement assets and benefits in the event of retirement, disability or death. You can change course in good time, for example by making voluntary buy-ins into the pension fund. Take a look at your pillar 3a account; perhaps higher deposits would make sense because they are tax-deductible. But this is only possible if you have not yet deposited the maximum amount. Discuss what you need to achieve financial security should your life circumstances change. Talk about what you would like to pass on to subsequent generations (children, grandchildren).

If you have children: does one of you feel the need to work fewer hours to have more time for the children? Or irrespective of children: how much does each person want to work? Would one of you like to have more time for a hobby or for further education – which would involve additional costs? Is buying a home or a vacation property one of your (shared) goals?

Family How to talk about money with your partner

Money is a topic that should be discussed openly in relationships. The following tips will make “money talk” easier.

12 Sep 2023 5 min read

We have no problem earning, holding, saving, investing or spending money. But talking about money can be hard. Couples can find it challenging to talk about their (joint) finances and about which costs should be shared, which kept separate. Why is this?

Different ideas, one-sided information or a bad conscience – when we remember last month’s credit card bill, for example – can be a source of friction.Talking openly and honestly about money is both sensible and important. It affects both persons in a partnership equally. And it is one of the cornerstones of living together.

Talking about money creates clarity and a sense of security

Money should not be a challenging or highly emotional topic. Even if feelings and intimacy are what matter most in a relationship, discussions about financial clarity and security also have their place. They will help you and your relationship when you want to turn joint financial wishes, goals and plans into reality. How about scheduling a “money talk” once a year? Good preparation is everything.

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Prepare well for your “money talk”

Before expressly agreeing to a discussion about money, ask yourself: What is it about money that bothers me in my relationship? What information am I missing? What are my personal needs? To prepare, get an overview by drawing up a rough list of your own monthly expenses. And start thinking about the questions that preoccupy you. Formulate wishes that you would like to express to your partner. Important: always argue from your own perspective.

Tip: practice “money talk” with a friend

Sometimes talking to a good friend is a helpful way to start thinking about a topic, as well as a way of gaining an outside perspective. View it as an exercise in which you learn to articulate your position. However, do not let yourself to be rattled by other opinions. Ultimately, this is about your personal situation.

Differentiate: not all money is created equal

When it comes to the topic of money in a relationship, sometimes it is necessary to make distinctions: are we talking about salaries, housework, parenting or childcare? The money we are focusing on here is also called “partner money,” because it is the subject of agreements in a partnership. For example: If the woman works more and also earns more than the man, but he does more of the housework and childcare, this is an agreement that both can refer back to. When it comes to hobbies, interests or personal wellbeing, then the focus is on the friendship element. The purpose of this “friendship money” is to enable your partner to do something that is good for them. Important: There needs to be a balance between give and take in a relationship.

Giving your conversation a structure can help

Proceed in a structured way at the start of your talk about money. This will help you stay focused on the result rather than getting bogged down in details. One option is to divide the talk into four primary thematic blocks.

Income and expenses

Draw up a household budget with the following points:
- Income:salaries and other regular income
- Fixed expenses:these generally do not change and are therefore easy to identify. For example, rent, insurance policies, health insurance, taxes, internet/telephone, membership fees, etc.
- Variable costs: all other expenses like restaurant visits, shopping, gifts, etc.
- Minor expenses: these are easy to forget but can really add up – the chewing gum you buy at the kiosk or a coffee on the way to work ... Tip: collect all your receipts for one to two months and calculate the average.
Discuss what you are able and willing to change.
Set yourself shared and individual financial goals.

Assets

Financial future

Stress that you want to make financial decisions together so that you can make plans for the future together.
Get an idea of your individual pension situations. For example, your pension fund insurance certificates show your retirement assets and benefits in the event of retirement, disability or death. You can change course in good time, for example by making voluntary buy-ins into the pension fund. Take a look at your pillar 3a account; perhaps higher deposits would make sense because they are tax-deductible. But this is only possible if you have not yet deposited the maximum amount.
Discuss what you need to achieve financial security should your life circumstances change.
Talk about what you would like to pass on to subsequent generations (children, grandchildren).

Life plans

Don’t give up the “money talk”

It may take some “practice” until you can talk in a relaxed way about money. But it’s worth keeping at it. Speaking openly about your financial situation will make the topic easier to approach and make room for the things that really matter to you.

Because a personal conversation is worth a lot

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